Apr. 1st, 2017 04:30 pm
lonespark: (Default)
Like, I have so many conversations where it's like,
"We want be welcoming to everyone."
"Then why are you charging a fee?"
"It's just a suggested donation. We won't keep people out if they can't pay."
"Does it say that on the flier? You're going to make them ask? Do you understand how shameful and exhausting that gets?!"

"We want to be welcoming to everyone in the community."
"But you're only advertising to a group that already knows each other."
"We don't want people coming from outside our community!"

"We want to welcome everyone."

"This event is free. It's for children..."
"Too many children came. Some of them were probably from different towns. We can't afford that."

Etc. etc. etc.

Also sometimes/too often my last line wants to be
lonespark: (Default)
What I need is a job.

It was THE ONLY THING I needed when I got here.
Then I needed childcare to get a job so I could keep paying for childcare, and that's kind of where I'm at now, but...

I need medicine so I can be functional enough to work.
I need community help
lonespark: (Default)
Murrah the Slave
Murrah the Bandit
Murrah Faith, Hero of The Federation
Murrah Faith, Mage-Knight Commander
Murrah Faith, Mother of Hope
Murrah Faith, Scourge of The Federation
Capt. Faith, Sword of the Empire
Murrah the Ghost Who Has Posthumously Learned to Have Slightly More Than No Chill

Kel the Dreamer
Kellem the Wanderer
Kel Your Servant In The Name Of The Ancestors
Kellem Jerek, Mage-Knight
KJ & Ben 4ever
Kel Who Is Crying And Psychically Saying Goodbye In Your Dreams Because that Servant in the Name of the Ancestors Thing Is Totally for Life No Joke Dammit
Cmdr Jerek, Insignificant Paper-Pusher of the Empire
Kel the Broken-Hearted
Kellem Jerek, Part-Time Reluctant Step-Dad of the Federation Reborn
KJ the Reasonably Content Ghost

Benya the Orphan
Benya the Really Pale
Benya the Pilot but Marto is better so he gets the top bunk
Benya the Mage-Knight, Key to the Seal, who totally gets the top bunk now
Ben & KJ Forever and Always You Promised
Benya Who Never Even Got a Chance To Say Goodbye
Benya The Hermit With That Strange Kid Who Has Gills
Benya The Smuggler's Friend
Benya The Ghost Who Understands More Now But Is Still Very Grumpy About Many Things
Ben & KJ Forever

Adri the Swift
Adri Don't Stop Running Til You Make It To The Ship, Don't Stop No Matter What You Have to Promise
Adrian Faithlight, Last of His People
Adri & Murrah Forever, In The Name Of The Ancestors
Adrian Faithlight, First of the Mage-Knights Reborn
Adrian Faithlight, Hero of the Federation
Adrian Faithlight, Martyr and Inspiration
Adrian The Very Upset Ghost
Adrian The Proud But Slightly Confused Ghost-Dad


Mar. 21st, 2017 12:16 pm
lonespark: (Default)
I enjoy those ridiculous lists of suggested baby names.

I was thinking some names/titles/backstories I've come up with for characters almost fit that...


Payton, Devourer of Hotdogs

Ander The Foul Kinslayer, but you can call me Andy

Holly, Daughter of (nah, let's not talk mention your awkward crush on my dad)

Willem The Childkiller (But That Was Before The Great War When I Still Had Legs and also they were zombies and I was protecting my men and the whole thing is a lurid exaggeration anyway can we let it die already please?)
lonespark: (Default)

I have to say, I think many people do know how terrifying changing rooms and bathrooms can be. And hallways, too... And walking home...

It's not the same! I'm not saying that!

But a lot of cis people know what it's like to viciously bullied for something related to gender presentation. And a lot of us sort of accept or defend it as "just the way it is," or spout platitudes about being secure in yourself and unconcerned with popularity, or growing a thick skin, or waiting to grow up, or something.

It's only the way it is because people put in effort to keep it that way. We poison ourselves and we kill our friends and our children out of fear and resignation.
lonespark: Nani in swimsuit (Nani)
"Our nation was born in genocide when it embraced the doctrine that the original American, the Indian, was an inferior race." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is our duty to renounce the Doctrine of Discovery
and Manifest Destiny

To destroy their every monument
To root out every trace of the contaminant

This is the work of lifetimes
Of centuries;
That's simple math...

A work of joy and hope and frith
And the vibrant future

Of life and freedom and art and community
Against violence
and confinement
and censorship
and segregation
Against fear


Jan. 11th, 2017 10:12 am
lonespark: Toph in Dai Li uniform (Toph)
Quotes that are awesome and I endeavor to use whenever possible (please to add your own!)

1. "Thus far you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience." - Cobra Bubbles
(optional follow-up: "Pray that it continues...")

2. "I know what you would say, and it would sound like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart." PJmovie!Frodo

3. "There is but one [Thingie or Lord of the Thingie] and [he/zie/she/they/it/insert singular pronoun here] does not share power!" - PJmovie!Gandalf

4. "Hello, my name is [multisyllabic name.] You [did Bad Thing or Verbed My Noun], prepare to die!" - Inigo Montoya**

5. "Nassty, [noun]ses! We hatess it, Precioussss!" - Gollum*

**And now there's the Moana variant: "I am [name] of [place]. You will board my boat[/other vehicle], sail across the Great Ocean/[verb across the Great Noun], and restore the [Thing] of [Person]!"

*I quote Gollum a lot. I defnitely use "pocketses," more than "pockets," usually in the sense of "Yessss, this dress has pocketses!!! We loves them, Preciouss, we loves them so..." Nasty thingses, tasty thingses, thing what are The Preciouss... Also "Shouldn't ask us...not its business!" etc.
lonespark: Cassidy from "Far Beyond the Stars" (Cassidy Yates)


So, ok, stuff like this is going around, but what is striking me is the ableism.
People want to know how misinformed people can "function without keepers."
Liberal entertainer pundit dudes call the Fascist-in-Chief-Elect "learning disabled."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU BACKSTABBING SO-CALLED ALLIES?!? You insult your enemies by comparing them to decent people who just want to get through the day in a society that constantly questions their right to exist?!?

The mental illness aspect I have been ranting about for a while, but I have noticed an uptick in insulting people with cognitive challenges, (which of course is neurodiversity and overlaps with mental health issues), and anyone who doesn't meet their definition of "fully independent adult."

It's so f'ed up because it's exactly the same thing Trump and the conservatives do, mocking people who ever need or seek help or support with anything!
lonespark: (Default)
Poe Dameron was mostly dead once.

And he woke up Somewhere Else. A pilot's lounge beyond the end of several verse's? Something like that...

There were so many people there, happily mingling and passing through...

...and some of them had wings...

...and most of them had regrets...

But nearly all of them were friendly...

After a while Poe had to leave. Someone punched him lightly on the shoulder. "Good luck, buddy." "Be a leaf on the wind." " say we all."
lonespark: (Default)
Folks talking about princesses. Sometimes I think about princesses a lot, like that time I missed the exit and almost drove to Canada...

I thought Moana did a good job of showing skills she could have, and setting them up ahead of time.

It made me think of other things that showed skills princesses would be trained in... I can't remember what, tho. Another Disney movie? Narnia movies or fanfic? Brain is failing me...
lonespark: (Default)
(aka "I do not like this Game of Royal Stools")

So I finished Meji Part II the other day.

And I liked it tho I think not as much as the first one. Some parts that weren't my favorite or just in general made me think, "This is probably what ASOIF is like?" Mostly the scheming and murdering people so your kid can be the ruler or whatever bits...

But IDK if I know people familiar with both who can speak to that?
lonespark: Nani in swimsuit (Nani)
The Plan involves caring for one's Self, Body, Mind and Soul, and supporting one's People in doing the same.

Both of those things are hard. They are struggles that are worthy and necessary and honorable urgent. Especially so in difficult times we know will continue for a goodly while.

My list of Things To Do:

1. Collecting and utilizing music and art that feeds my soul and connects me with my values, my gods, and my folk

2. Making the effort to show up in person to events when I can.

3. Using online communication that helps, and reconfiguring stuff that offers distractions, however worthy.

4. Making the effort to maintain connections with friends and allies who are 100% worth it, and making the effort to be 100% worth it right back or at least to make it clear to them where I stand.

5. Accruing resources when I can, and sharing as much as possible, and not getting caught up in what I worry it might say about me when I succeed or fail, because it's Not About Me at all.

These things are not going swimmingly at present, but that is a reminder of why they are important, and I am mostly in a Planning to Plan stage...

Immediately upon reviewing these I note there are Invisible Staircase problems. By which I mean, there are steps that must be taken before I would be able to implement these things or even figure out how to implement them...

Like, so, 5 is kind of the easiest, maybe, because it's so general? I have lots of privilege. That's a kind of power, and I can make efforts to use it for good. Futhermore it's a springboard to greater power and thus more opportunity to help others. More life stability, better job, etc. will help with that. And I am working on that anyway, but it helps to be able to remind myself of truly important motivations and goals.

2 is the most concrete and specific already, and I am already doing it but not nearly enough, so that is the most actionable. Imma put "Listen to inspiring music" on my Daily list in Habitica. So I will get rewards for doing it, and I already have it set up so rewards I earn for doing stuff include "song," "album" "ebook" "poster" etc... Other things I need to do to make this work include improved organization and access. My room and especially my books are not well-organized. And music is even worse. So those are related sub-goals...

I will look at the other stuff another time. Soon, hopefully...
lonespark: Toph in Dai Li uniform (Toph)
The PTO is sending me repeated requests via email and Facebook and possibly papers in my kids' backpacks for donations to needy families for Thanksgiving. As one of the eligible families contemplating filling out the request form for the first time ever, I find this somewhat annoying. (While I was typing this I just got another forward of the same message, LOL)

They are trying to collect gift cards to grocery stores, which is a pretty good thing to give people, I think.

For Christmas, they instead take requests for clothes and toys and then fill them, which is annoying on several levels. It could be helpful with clothes, and I might do that... They have a space to fill in children's genders rather than just their toy preferences and clothing sizes/needs. And of course they give you two options, which are actually sexes... I'm sure you don't have to fill out that part, but it's still bullshit. (And it doesn't even say it's optional, so people probably do feel like they have to fill it out.)

They may also do gift cards to Target or whatever, which would be awesomely much better... I know some places do that...

What I really think they should do is give gift cards or credit or whatever for things actually related to school. So far, based on personal experience, I recommend

1. Books at the book fair.

(Book fair is today. This is one of the few things I am still borrowing from my parents for, because there is nothing like books and book-related stuff you yourself chose, without judgement or restriction. New books! Hardcover books! Coloring books! Posters! Fancy journals! Fancy pens! Things that look like books but really hide secret spy equipment! Books that, if you drop them in the toilet or spill hot chocolate on them, or trade them or sell them or rip them or break the spines or dog-ear your favorite pages, no outside authorities will bring their judgement/disappointment/consequences to bear on you...)

2. School supplies for the beginning of the year.

(That's a huge, concentrated expense! And there are all these charities you can get hooked up with that get you stuff, but it's never based on the list of required stuff from your particular school or even this town's district.)

3. Actual fucking help with childcare.

(So far AFAIK (after 5+ years of asking) there is NO sliding scale or scholarships for the school system's official after-school programming, which includes holidays, vacations, summer and now I think the many, many half-days that creep up. It is possible to get scholarships, at least for the summer, from charities and from the town's Emergency Fund*, which is run thru/with the Red Cross in some convoluted way that involve me having to go to an office in a church to request it.)
(There is a morning program but the kids can't bring their own food let alone have the free breakfast some qualify for but the school doesn't serve, and they charge for it and like a million things you can get that fee waived but no one communicates about this; you're supposed to just know...)

*I originally typed Emergency Funk, which is definitely a thing, I think...
lonespark: Toph in Dai Li uniform (Toph)

This is what our Powers That Be are declaring war to protect.
This is what pipelines DO.
This is what petroleum storage and transport does.
(And extraction even moreso...)

I worked with it, and so did and so do lots of other people who do their best safeguard health and the environment...
But it's only ever harm reduction.
If it was worth it once, it cannot be now.

Why are we letting them fight the future?
They are doing it in our names.
We have to stop them.
lonespark: Cassidy from "Far Beyond the Stars" (Cassidy Yates)
(Watching this Jon Oliver segment: Good so far. I have had to stop halfway thru to scream...)

Look, White people. There have been too many centuries of us being represented by the very worst jackasses among us. Race Traitoring is hard, but how else can we have a sliver of self-respect?

And I think I am probably not the only one who reads about (dudes, usually) who remember growing up in "safe" "good" neighborhoods and wants to know exactly what was good about it.

Safe only means safe for straight cis white dudes.
Except not them, unless they're very rich.
Except not them, if they're disabled or neurodivergent.
Except not them if they have feelings in public. If they're not gender- and culture-conforming in exactly the right way every minute, which is impossible...
Except not them if they care about anyone else. Which of course they do because they're people.
Participation in an evil system destroys people and souls and potential and creativity and so many beautiful futures and exciting, fun journeys to get there.

If you're near the top it might not kill you.
It might not hurt you quite as much as others.
It might not make you hate yourself and all the things you are in quite the same ways.
But that's still nothing like winning.
lonespark: Toph in Dai Li uniform (Toph)
AtLA videos to Hamilton songs!

This one is good I think? Many feels...

This is very good yes. My fav bit is the " and brimstone..." at the beginning.

This one is horrible and perfect and makes me cackle with evil glee and if you a particular sort of Roku/Sozin shipper you might too?

Too short, MOAR FEELZ...
lonespark: (Default)
(Watching Hamilton's America)
POTUS talks about Founding Fathers "flying by the seat of their pants." Which, YEAH, THAT.

That's the thing to get about history, and it's so hard. Textbooks don't do it. Primary sources can, and museums, and immersive living history stuff.

But none of those are nearly as effective as REINTERPRETATIONS, like Hamilton. Critical to religion, to history too, to storytelling in general.

Also this is something Heathenism desperately needs. Marvel did add a tiny bit, for those willing to dig out the gems. American Gods probably will, too.

But how fucking amazing and wonderful and reaffirming of a vibrant Heathen culture in the modern world would it be if we had multiple interpretations of the gods in our cultural context, in our vernacular?

This is necessary. Anything less abandons our connection to gods, wights, ancestors, mythic truth, to those who want it trapped in distant past they can recast in their own stupid, racist image.

So that's an ongoing goal for me, to look for the excellent modern stuff and spread it around, and commission it if I ever can...

Incorrect Edda is cool in this regard.

So are modern historical fictions like an awesome one a friend is writing...

And I know I've been involved in discussions and read articles about where the gods are really seen in our everyday lives, and how to meaningfully answer question like my "What Would Frigga Do?" shirt asks...
lonespark: Reboot Uhura pwning the world (Uhura)

Flexiblility in rates of doing things.
So, "Complete Task X by Time Y" generally ok, but not for particular subtasks or activities.
Not "spend 30 to 45 minutes accomplishing X." (I think this means NO BILLABLE HOURS!!!11, but maybe it depends how it's allocated?)

Similarly, flexibility in ways of doing things.
"Accomplish goals Q thru X" ok.
"Follow this flowchart" super-great, assuming it's a good flowchart.
"Follow Procedures in Manual, consulting subparagraphs and subsections as necessary" also good, tho I may need some options for information other than "Black and white Walls of Text.l"
"Go thru the following motions like a robot at X speed after learning them from reading or watching someone else" will ABSOLUTELY NOT FLY, and things that come close in any respect are also DO NOT WANT.

A schedule that is consistent in some major respects.
So, always the same every day = good.
Always the same every Tuesday, etc. = good.
Always the same under X circumstance and different in Y way under Z circumstance = ok, tho there could be issues with the amount of varying and amount of warning.

An alternate schedule thing that has worked in the past is,
Completely flexible as long as meeting conditions A-D.
But, I think it's not ideal, and it's really impossible given my current life situation with obligations with kids and stuff. It has allowed me to trick myself into severe procrastination, and even if that's avoided, it leads to spending a lot of mental effort and energy on decision-making. This is usually not worth it. It could be if flexibility offered huge advantages for the particular field?

Bonus considerations:
Food available onsite = super-great! Totally worth a lot of money to me.

Able to commute by public transportation = awesome.
Able to commute by walking or biking = good, tho tricky bcuz weather...
Able to commute by anything involving me not having to drive and park = good.

Having to drive as part of the work = somewhat ungood, but it really depends.
Going to certain worksites periodically, especially in a company vehicle or rental = fine.
Having to drive a personal vehicle to certain sites just to show up = meh.

Having to drive a personal vehicle and transport equipment, or having to arrange rentals, or having to coordinate by phone with others = NO DO NOT WANT AAAARGH!!!

Most things involving talking on the phone = ROCKS FALL, EVERYTHING IS CRAP! (Sooo much more to be said on this subject!)

Things involving extra effort around communication and logistics = Probably not worth it if I'm still having to meet other people's standards.
Probably very worth it if I get to be my own boss/other people's boss. (More on the other people's boss thing later...)
lonespark: Suki in Kyoshi Warrior garb with two fans (Suki)
33 When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. 34 The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.

If I am keeping anything from my Christian upbringing, it is this.  

The place I remember most as home, as the place that smells and tastes like home, with the first language I learned to read and my first friends, was where my parents worked in a refugee camp.

I have a lot of informally adopted extended family who came to the US as refugees, often as unaccompanied minors.

I spent a lot of time and effort on a UCC confirmation retreat looking for this verse.*  It meant everything to me.  It still does.

It has relevance in a Heathen context, too.  Hospitality is a holy obligation.  

And it echoes through my heritage, too... From barbarian ancestors begging Rome for bread... To the many branches of my family that landed on these shores fleeing repression, conscription and reprisal in the mid-19th century...**  

Actually, the version I learned said "stranger," instead of "foreigner."  We all were strangers. If we are not, just now, we will be again.  And judgement here or in any hereafter is meaningful as it relates to our treatment of the Least and Last.

True for all and triply true to those who have much.

*I have a vaguely-related rant about that exercise...

**I know two branches of my family came here in 1848ish, one from Berlin and one from Bavaria, so I started looking up what was going on that would have involved people being conscripted into some kind of counterrevolution and it is a vast and fascinating subject.  

lonespark: (Default)
This is not a thing.

No one ever throws money at problems with no strings attached.

"We can't just throw money at (thing we have defined as) problem!" say people who will never, ever, ever, provide significant resources for actual problem to people actually involved who know a single mortalfucking thing about the situation.

"Social problems" are a result of 1. Violence and 2. Poverty, which is another word for economic violence.

So Rule 1 is "Don't be an asshole." Or, more realistically, "Take note of the ways in which you are being an asshole/supporting people and systems that are, then Make Sustained, Accountable Efforts To Be MUCH LESS OF AN ASSHOLE."

And Rule 2 is "Throw money at problems. Don't stop. If you run out of money, find more. If you stop, DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE BE SURPRISED THE PROBLEM DOESN'T STAY FIXED."
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